How to Prepare for Your First Meeting with a Divorce Lawyer

It’s normal to feel nervous before your first meeting with a divorce attorney—in fact, most people do. 

The good news is that you don’t need to have everything figured out before entering the room. Your attorney expects you to come with more questions than answers. This meeting will help you get clarity and advice from an experienced legal professional. 

The key to making the most of this initial consultation is to come prepared with a list of questions, necessary documents, and a clear sense of your priorities. 

Write down a list of questions for your lawyer

Your initial consultation is an opportunity to learn how the divorce process works, both generally and in your specific situation. Before your appointment, take some time to think through your questions—a well-prepared list will help you get the answers you need. 

Here are some of the most common questions clients ask during that first meeting:

• What is your experience with cases like mine?
• What is your approach to managing a case like this?
• What are the spectrum of possible outcomes and what should I realistically expect? 
• How will you communicate with me throughout the process? 
• What costs should I anticipate, including hourly rates, retainer fees, expert witness fees, and court fees?
• How long do you expect the divorce process to take? What delays might come up?
• What rights and responsibilities will I have during this process?

Having a thorough list of questions helps you understand the lawyer’s approach and ensures that you don’t initially overlook any important issues that could affect your case.

Gather relevant documents for your lawyer

The proper documentation can make all the difference as you and your counsel develop your legal strategy. When you arrive at the meeting prepared with all relevant paperwork, your lawyer can more accurately assess your situation and provide well-informed advice from the inception of your case.

The following are essential documents to include: 

• Tax returns, pay stubs, and other income documents
• Bank statements, credit card bills, and financial records
• Prenuptial or postnuptial agreements
• Real estate documents (mortgages, titles, etc.)
• Debts and liabilities (loans, credit, etc.)
• Retirement account and investment statements
• Documentation relevant to any custody or parenting time issues (e.g., schedules establishing the extent of time spent with your child(ren), communications articulating co-parenting problems)
• Evidence of potential domestic violence concerns 

Rather than bringing original documents, consider making copies and organizing your records by category to make it easier for you and your lawyer to review them. 

Prepare a written summary

Your lawyer will need a lot of information to handle your divorce with the attention it deserves. A thorough written summary—covering aspects of your relationship and the reasons for seeking a divorce—lets your attorney focus on strategy by providing important context and details.

So, what should you include in your summary?

Events relevant to your divorce

Pinpoint the key moments that led to your decision, whether specific incidents or a gradual accumulation of issues. Share the circumstances that made the relationship untenable, especially any recurring conflicts, infidelity, or abuse. Be sure to share if there were attempts at reconciliation, such as counseling or temporary separation. This should include a detailed timeline to ensure your attorney immediately has the necessary context for your case and the interrelationship of issues.

Background on your financial situation

Provide a clear picture of your finances, including income, debts, investments, and jointly owned assets. This way, your attorney can best negotiate while protecting your financial interests.  The document known as a Case Information Statement will ultimately be something filed (per Court Rule) on your behalf with this information, so initially becoming familiar with this form and having a conversational understanding of its elements will put you ahead of the game going into your first meeting.

Details about children

If you have children, include their ages, special needs or medical conditions, current education arrangements, and extracurricular activities. This information becomes especially relevant during custody and parenting time negotiations.

Significant disputes

If you and your spouse have had major disagreements, bring these to your attorney’s attention. These disputes could be over big issues like approaches to parenting, fidelity, living arrangements, or money, but they could also be long-simmering conflicts over daily matters. In short, any conflict that might come up during divorce negotiations should be discussed. 

A written summary can help you get your attorney up to speed about your situation and clarify your thoughts about it and your future goals. 

Identify complex financial issues 

Dividing financial assets in a divorce can often be more intricate than anticipated, especially if your situation involves more than standard-issue bank accounts, loans, or credit cards (although we’ll note, those can be complicated too!)

However, if you have assets like ownership interests in a business, investment properties, or inheritances, your divorce attorney should know about those immediately. These kinds of assets can require careful evaluation (and potentially be entirely or partially exempt from equitable distribution) , so it’s essential to flag these issues early to prevent unnecessary delays later in the process.

Some common examples of complex financial matters include:

• Stock options (both restricted and unrestricted) and deferred compensation 
• Business ownership or partnerships 
• Real estate holdings 
• Retirement accounts and pension 
• High-value personal property 
• Trusts and trust funds 
• International assets 
• Inheritances and/or familial gifts commingled with marital assets

Identifying these issues from the outset allows your attorney to build a strategy that safeguards your financial future while minimizing the risk of complications down the road.

Identify your primary and secondary goals

The most important thing you can bring into the room during your first meeting with a divorce attorney is a list of your goals. When you know what you want from the divorce process, your attorney can craft a strategy that aligns with those objectives and establish realistic expectations. 

When prioritizing your concerns, start with the essentials:

• Focus on what matters. Think about what matters most to you. This might look like a parenting time plan that supports your needs, a division of assets that allows you to stay in the family home, or a settlement that helps you transition back to the workplace.

• Know your deal breakers. Distinguish between your non-negotiables and areas where you are willing to compromise. These are threshold concepts for negotiations that will mold your negotiation strategy. 

• Short-term versus long-term goals. Consider your immediate needs, like a clear parenting time plan, and future goals, such as long-term financial stability. What do you need to achieve goals on both fronts? 

By clearly communicating your goals to your lawyer, you can actively develop a legal strategy that reflects your priorities. Plus, it focuses on what truly matters to you, preventing distractions during negotiations or court proceedings.

Remember, this meeting is just the start of your navigating the divorce process. Taking proactive steps to prepare sets the stage for a more informed and confident approach as you move forward.